I'm back

It has been quite a while since I wrote in this blog. Looking at the date on my last entry, I see that it has been almost two years. A lot has happened since my last posting. Most important of all is that I am graduating this month. My college career took some twists and turns which I hope to write about later. Right now, I just want to explain (partly to myself) why I have been away for so long.

Three reasons come to mind for not posting. First, school got in the way. This is ironic because going back to school is what I wanted to write about. It was shortly after my last post in September 2007 that I became buried in my school work and didn't have the time or the energy to write. A full college class load is demanding. It seems like professors think that their class is the only thing in a student's life. They pile on the work until you feel overwhelmed. That is the nature of college. When I came back to school, I had the romantic notion that I would sit in lofty-minded, classroom discussions. I had forgotten about the importance of studying for exams, and I didn't remember the papers that, if done right, consumed a great deal of time and energy. The practical reality of school rushed in on me. My energy was commandeered and my time was preempted. My journal lost it's priority and was shoved into a forgotten corner. That's where it sat for two years, until now.

My second reason for not writing is that I lost all my creativity. School sometimes does that to a person, which is unfortunate. I separate this reason from number one because this deals with emotions instead of practicality. School beat me down. I ran into bureaucratic issues that seemed stupid and unnecessary. I was a much older student, and none of the clerks knew how to deal with me. I took it too personally. I dealt with my frustrations by putting my head down and bulling my way through classes and red tape. School and classwork became an obsession. Once I discovered that I could get good grades, something that had previously eluded me, I became obsessed. After all, that was why I was here, right? The problem was that I became so focused on my studies that I lost sight of other things, important things, like people. So, anyway, my creativity suffered, because creativity takes a free mind, and obsessions don't allow your mind to be free. I could go on and on about this, but it's time to let it go.

Here is the third reason for not writing. I read once, by some famous writer, that a person should only write what would still be pertinent 50 years from now. In other words, a person who reads your letters 50 years later should still be able to find relevance and meaning. I think that I used this advice as a copout. Or, maybe I found little relevance and meaning in my own life, and therefore I found little to write about. I limited myself unduly. Of course, it would be trivial to write about my day of getting up, going to class, studying into the evening and then going to bed. That is dry, unfeeling repetition...and boring. But, would a future student be able to identify with the anxiousness, and then the determination I felt as I climbed on my bicycle and peddled off to my first chemistry test? Rote actions are trivial. Feelings are a part of the human condition that everyone can identify with. That distinction is where I got off track.

I want to resume my writing. Hopefully I can find that balance of practicality and creativity. We'll see. Stay tuned.