School

I am making plans to go back to college. It's something that I have always wanted to do, but other things have always distracted me from that goal. I dropped out of college after getting mediocre grades and having no specific goals or direction. My self confidence was at an all time low. I intended to take some time off to figure out a path to follow and then return to get my degree. I wanted to return to college, but family, work and other interests diverted my attention, and before I realized it, 30 years had slipped by.

I have been asking myself why I failed the first time in school so I can understand how to succeed the second time around. I think this is important. My first attempt at college was pretty dismal. I went to college back in the 70s when I first got out of high school. I was too immature and undiciplined at that time. I take responsibity for that. But at the same time, I had no real mentors and no cheerleaders. I had always tried to please everyone else, and I didn't know how to take care of myself. I didn't demand anything of myself, and I didn't stand up for the things I wanted. Nobody encouraged me to follow my real interests. Nobody showed me how to study and get good grades. I had very little self-confidence. I was angry that my one real mentor in high school was fired, and I rebelled in a self-destructive way. My anger carried on through my college years and into my first years of work and family life.

During the years after quitting college things gradually improved for me. I made my share of mistakes, some of them huge, but over all, things steadily improved. I think my turning point was my first job in computers. I took a job selling PCs, and there was a big emphasis on being positive. My employer sent me to a Dale Carnegie course. At the time I thought the course was bogus, but it gradually sunk in that good things happen to people with a positive attitude. I was also lucky to have positive, patient bosses over the years. I was able to bootstrap myself into better and better jobs. With mentoring and self-teaching, I finally learned how to succeed.

I think back to those times in college. I was searching for acceptance and validation, and I wasn't getting it from school. I didn't go to class. I started partying and hanging out all night with friends. I know I wasn't dumb. That wasn't the cause of my failure. After dropping out of college I started to read. I had a huge thirst for knowledge and I read literally hundreds of books on diverse subjects like history, science, culture, philosophy, and fiction. My career gravitated toward intellectual pursuits like geology and computer technology. I proved to myself I could get good grades. I worked at a midwestern university where I took a 4 hour college class and got a solid A. For years I have been convincing myself that I have the ability to succeed in school.

There is really nothing stopping me now from achieving my dream of going back to school. I have no real obligations, no family to support, no big payments to make. I have a few obstacles like tuition and rent, but doesn't every student have those same problems? I have cheerleaders to encourage me, which I haven't had in the past. My only real concern is my perseverance, my sticktoitiveness. I get bored easily. I have days of highs and lows, and I wonder about my ability to get through the lows. I think I can obtain a degree in two semesters, but can I maintain my dogged resolve for that period of time? Can I muster a campaign of consistent studying and test taking? Maybe the only way to answer those questions is to just do it. Find the courage and do it!